Warning bad words, drinking mentioned, self-doubt, depression, self-harm
"Da?" he mumbles sleepily
"You found me?"
(name) smiled. Ivan had been her best friend for as long as she could remember. They were so close everyone thought you were dating, they went to every dance homecoming and junior prom, but senior prom, it was Alfred. Alfred slowly consumed her life that she had no time for old friends.
"do you want something to eat?" Ivan asked standing up.
"Just some coffee."
Ivan stood and walked off to get said drinks, (name) took the time to look around the room. a picture of the two of them when they were kids sat, framed, on the desk along with a laptop a stack of papers and a cup with pens and pencils in it. On the walls she saw many framed pictures of the two of them throughout the years, the memory in the photos danced before her eyes, taking her into the past.
"(Name)?" Ivan's words brought her back to the real world
" Your coffee is ready."
"oh yeah." She followed the Russian into the living room where her drink was waiting. she sat down, mug in hand, on a high backed plush chair, Ivan in an identical one next to her.
"So, Ivan, what have you been up to?"
"Anyone special in your life?"
The conversation went on like this for hours, (name) asks a question, a very short reply from Ivan. (Name) too stubborn to stop asking, Ivan too stubborn to give real answers.
over the next week Ivan lets her stay there, but the talking is limited.
By the next month (name) hardly ever saw Ivan, and they slept just across from the hall. Her best friend in the world began to ignore her out of nowhere. Is it because of what happened with Alfred? did she do something wrong? It was evening, the bar was in walking distance, as she does every other day, (name) put on a shirt that says "sorry I'm not sorry", a pair of yoga pants , black combat boots and swings a tan leather jacket over her shoulder as she walks out the door shouting over her shoulder "I'll be back late", wondering if Ivan heard she slams the door behind her.
Yao is walking to go see Ivan, after he called him in tears, asking Wang to come over. Not much makes Ivan cry so Yao hurried, the bus dropped him off by a bar that was in walking distance from Ivan's home, to run into no one other than (name)
"(name) aru!" he says waving, but name walks right past him tears in her eyes and threw open the bar door. Confused Yao walks to Ivan's place. Word of (name) and Alfred's has spread like wild fire. He walked into Ivan's house to see him on the ground just a few feet from the door, sobbing.
"Ivan! What is wrong aru?"
"She's gone! she left me!"
"(Name), I have been distant, I was just afraid-" He sobbed harder.
Yao helped him up and into the living room, taking off his coat leading him in pants and a green long sleeve.
"Afraid of what? aru?" Yao asked
"Afraid she'd go back to Alfred,and leave me again. Afraid of her finding them
" He said rolling up his sleeves to show Wang the Burn scars on both arms. Yao nods.
"She needs to see. aru."
"but she's gone!" Ivan bursts into tears and begins to sob more violently than before.
(name) sat at the bar, drunk after a pint of whisky and working on a few shots of vodka. Her frequent visits and being friends with the bar tender, has given her a few perks,taking the rest of the bottle of vodka the bar tender opened for her home after the bar closes, long conversations about her problems with a listening ear, a glass of something in her hand before she even sits down, and an open tab to be paid when she can.
"can I get a few more?" (name) asks the bartender
"two and you've reached the limit for tonight."
"OK, hand 'em over." the bar tender passes her 2 shot glassed to add to the line. The vodka burns as (name) takes one and slams it down.
"did i tell you the story of-" (name) begins.
"your third homecoming and how you kissed your best friend who happens to be the reason you come here every other day and mid morning on Sundays?"
"You've hear it then."
"twice." The bartender smiles. "but you could tell it again if you want, or the one where you filled the kitty pool with vodka instead and got you and the aforementioned friend drunk at age 13?"
"Okay I get it. I'm out of cool stories to tell."
they laugh together then (name) silents the bartender with a finger. "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC plays
"This song is my life." (name) whispers drunkenly
The bar tender smiles as (name) sings along""I'm not in love, So don't forget it, It's just a silly phase I'm going through, And just because,I call you up, Don't get me wrong, don't think you've got it made, I'm not in love, no no..."
Ivan finally stops sobbing and mumbling in Russian for Yao to say.
"I actually saw her going into the bar on the way here, aru."
"Really! lets go then da?" Ivan stands up and makes his way out the door, The Chinese man running to catch up.
(name) thinks about all those stories and memories with Ivan. Not realizing he is walking in the door right now.
"I like to see you, But then again, That doesn't mean you mean that much to me"
Ivan stops just two feet away from her, listening to her sing" Yao begins to say something only to have his mouth covered.
"Ooh you'll wait a long time for me, Ooh you'll wait a long time..."
Ivan closes the distance and put his hand on her shoulder and sings with her as she turns to see who was there, her eyes opening wide.
"I keep your picture Upon the wall, It hides a nasty stain that's lying there, So don't you ask me, To give it back, I know you know it doesn't mean that much to me,I'm not in love, no no."
(Name) jumps and wraps her arms around his neck
"I'm sorry for whatever I did." name mumbles into his scarf crying.
"No, it's my fault, I'll show you when we get home."
When they got home Ivan took (name) to his room, and takes off his shirt. (name) sees burn marks all over his arms and torso.
"They are on my legs too."
"Where did those come from?"
Ivan takes a deep shaky breath.
"I burned my self, the first time was senior prom, seeing you and him
dancing together, it killed me inside (name)!"
Ivan went on to tell her that after she and Alfred got together, Alfred told Ivan to stay away from her or he would hurt (name), and for weeks after prom he'd go home and burn himself, thinking it was his fault his friend was in this relationship.
"and then this one," He pointed at the largest one on his chest. "This was when I went to your house to see you two years ago and I saw Your friend (Friends/name) and Alfred sleeping together, He said if I told you or even got close he would" he swallows hard "kill you in front of me. I went home and..." he shutters and tears roll down his eyes.
"I've heard enough." (name) was crying too she put her hand on the scar and holds him close to her.
"I could have prevented all of this if I had just given you this to begin with."
He unraveled his scarf and sewn into the scarf was a ring, it looked like a little black string bow, but was metal. Ivan pulled it off and put it on (name)'s finger.
"Yes, just yes." (name) whispered as she kissed him gently.